Tuesday, May 24, 2005

breaking and entering...

Well...just thought i'd vent a little on being broken into...and broken. If nothing else, let this be a lesson to everyone reading...lock your stuff up, make back-ups, write stuff down, take pictures, lock your doors and for God's sake...don't let the valet peeps get ahold of your precious keys for any reason!!
I came home one night, was about to take out my stinky garbage when I noticed something in my living room out of place...I thought to myself, self...did you move that earlier when you got a DVD out of the drawer? I thought I might have been losing my marbles and just plain forgot that I was the one who opened the drawer. But then I got that uneasy, someone could be in my house, oh dear lord someone was DEFINITELY in and could still be in, my house. I backed out slowly, cell in hand, and called a neighbor.
Some very very bad men entered my home...and they just HAD to be men cuz if it'd been a chick, they would've stolen my stylish purses and fancy shmancy clothes rather than just rumage through them! Boys. They broke in...stole my laptops...yes, LAPTOPS...my digi camera, my Isight, my DVD's etc...the worst part was that they took all things sparkly, all things close to my heart like family silver with the initials of deceased relatives on it...things that can't possibly be replaced. They broke in. They left me feeling violated, broken.
It's creepy to walk outside and know that someone had been watching my every move, seeing when I left, seeing which lock I locked on which door, noting which lights were left on, left off. I glance both ways now, lock everything that can possibly be locked. I jump when I hear a floorboard creek. I sleep curled in a ball on one side of the bed, the covers on the other side remain un-ruffled come morning. I feel icky. Broken.
So please dear friends...your life is precious...protect it. Write down serial numbers and photograph everything and then go lock it up securly in a box at the bank. Cuz you just never know when someone might come along and steal your life out from under you. It pays to have a part of it still kept for yourself...and to give to the Renter's Insurance folk. Self-preservation...ah...repeat that to yourself. Only good thing about having your life topsy-turvied is that you become stronger, more cynical in a good way and you realize that hey, at LEAST I am here, I didn't walk in on them...I have me and that's irreplaceable.

Monday, May 09, 2005

spending your days alone...

So I got to thinking yesterday about friends...or lack there of...or perhaps if the friends I have are truly "friends" at all. Perhaps they are just people occupying a slot or two in my cell phone. I don't know...
It was Mother's Day yesterday in case you didin't know. Hope you called your mom and thanked her for giving birth to you, giving you life, raising you, putting a roof over your head, annoying you, nagging you, loving you. I did...and I did it extra early so that mummy dear didn't assume I forgot as she so nonchalantly pointed out last week. And when I spoke to her yesterday I apologized for my faux pas...and she said, "It's ok, it was your graduation day." (Got my master's...woo hoo). Then I remembered something...
"Mom, are you on crack?" I asked. "I took you out to brunch at Barney's Greengrass that day for Mother's Day! I didn't forget..."
"But you didn't wish me a Happy Mother's Day."
She IS on crack. Couldn't believe she was pissed over THAT when I know I wished her a happy Mommy's Day AND took her to a nice breakfast on MY graduation day. Sheesh...ungrateful. lol
So in an attempt to do something "fun" on 5/8/05 since I wasn't with my Mommy...thought i'd call up some friends and spend the day with them...celebrating friendship.
I was up at 7am...called three close "friends" around 10am and left multiple messages on home phones and cells to call me back. Nothing. More nothing. Couldn't call some people in fear of interupting Mommy's Day celebrations...so I took myself to lunch...alone. And then I took myself to see "The Interpreter"...alone. By 5pm...still not a return phone call. I ended up stopping by a friend's new apartment where I met with a Mommy and a Sister of one so-called "friend"...very nice, I felt like part of SOMEthing. It was cool to at least see a Mommy on Mommy's Day even IF I was on the peripheral! I offered to help out with the new apt and called a hardware store to inquire about expandable shower rods...and the funny thing was... a random guy picked up the other line while I was on hold and we engaged in a 10 minute conversation about calling our Mommy's. lol He was actually the FRIENDLIEST person I had encountered all day...a man in the plumbing department of Kuntz Hardware. Go figure.
By 9pm I had still yet to get a return call from any of said "friends." And then finally...FINALLY...I got an IM from one of them saying..."Oh, I have decided i'm in a dark place and shut everyone out...didn't feel like talking." THIS...comeing from a person who had just the day before BITCHED that her "friends" never called her back. For the LOVE of...
All we ask in life is that our "friends" communicate with us...friendship and relationships, even with our parents, are two-way streets. Perhaps you may be bummed, perhaps you may be in a 'dark place'...you should still communicate that with your friend. Just text us: ALONE...we'll get it. Or text us: can't talk now...we'll get it. Otherwise, we'll think you have gone off and fallen in a ditch...or worse yet...FORGOT about us.
Happy Mother's Day MOM...and thanks for the pep-talk Mr. Plumber, I consider you a friend.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

...and more on the Ultimate Driving Machine...

So...I STILL strongly dislike (which I say because hate is a strong word and i'm not quite up to hate just yet, albeit, close!) BMW's...actually no, I strongly dislike car dealerships but most particularly...the Beverly Hills BMW dealership. Well, AND BMW's in general...most specifically MY little Beamer, my not-so-much-a-ray-of-sunshine BMW.
I went this past Sunday and test drove 5 gazillion (ok, a slight exageration...more like just 5) cars at various dealerships in the Van Nuys area since they all seem to be in neat row there. I even took my good friend Chris as a buffer so that the vipers wouldn't get me as I stepped onto each lot!
First stop: HONDA
Joe Shmo asks me what i'd like to look at and I say, "I'd like to see the NEW Accords...both the 4-door and coupe." So naturally, Joe Shmo shows me a nice, shiny...2003. Um, no. And I say, "Do you have the 2005?" And he says, "Oh, over here..." and promptly shows me...another 2003. I tell him it's not a 2005 and he apologizes saying he's only worked there 2 weeks. Uh...even I...a person who has never worked at Honda...knows the difference btw. the two. Sheesh. So I drive the 2005 Accord Coupe and feel as if the steering wheel is going to steer right on out of my lap! Onto the next dealership in search of a car whose stering wheel matches up with where the car is going in a lane...
Second stop: ACURA
Huge...HUGE improvement! In fact...so much of an improvement that I decided (after my next two stops...that it is to be my new car!) I was introduced to a nice kid named Christopher who showed me the in's and out's of the car...we drove it around the block...the seats fit like a glove cradling my ass and the steering wheel turned in the direction in which I wished my little TSX to go...I was in LOVE!
But of course, I had to drive some other stuff so not to rush to a rash decision. So onto stop number 3: VOLKSWAGON.
Again...new kid on the block showing us the car. And by kid...I mean...KID. He was like, "Dude, so what do you think of it? I'm getting one of these next week....pretty awesome eh?" Yeah, awesome and totally radical...except when you sit down in the new 2005 1/2 Jetta, your ass bounces off the seat like a quearter on the couch. The seats are sooooo firm that you can't help but to dwell on nothing but that while driving the damn thing. Although, I do have to say, it drove quite nicely and had a bit of zip...but man, those seats...
Fourth stop: VOLVO
I can't even TELL you the name of my salesperson...I couldn't understand a word the old guy was saying...some foreign language but not sure which one. He took us out in the S40...which...out of all the cars, was the bes to drive. The seats are designed by some chiropracter--enough said on that. FABU!! and the steering wheel...OH MY GOD! I think I almost creamed my jeans when I touched it (oops...sorry, that was my outloud voice creeping out!)...the steering wheel was covered in the softest, sheerest, feeling like human skin, leather...so cool. I could just sit in the sriveway and play with the steering wheel...but then, what good would the car be?
After that...checked out the FORD Mustang...ahhhh...cute for the buck but not my cup o'tea. So after mulling it over...the Acura shall reign and in 2 weeks and one day I will be the proud owner of a shiny silver TSX with black leather interior (i'll just have to make do with the leather-wrapped-with-little-holes-in-it steering wheel while I pine for the S40...
So back to my initial...I HATE BMW dealerships. I thought to myself, self, you should go have them appraise your car so you know how much you'll get for it. So after spit-shining my UDM, I took it to BH BMW. I parked on the street and waltzed on into the showroom...and was met by NO ONE!! I mean it...couldn't find a SOUL to try and sell me a car. Apparently they sell themselves and they don't feel the need to harass you. So I went back out to the car and pulled around to the service area...but as I pulled in, someone needed to back out. So I backed out...and pissed off two cars behind me. He pulled out, I drove in...and was met by ANOTHER car and it's brake lights. So I backed out again, pissed off two more cars. He pulled out, I drove in...and was promptly folled in by the 2 cars, effectively trapping me in the service dept. Again...no one helped me. Finally a woman ASKED if I needed something (uh, no...I just like to hang out here...duh.) She asked, "did you look inside the showroom for someone?" (Uh, again no...i'm retarded and didn't think of that FIRST! Duh.) So she found me some guy named Joe...they're always named Joe! He asked what i'd like to trade in on and I told him I wasn't doing it today but just wanted to know where I stood with my car. THEN...oh LORDY...he told me..."Honey, why don't you go to Kelly Blue Book dot com and look it up? We don't DO free appraisals." And I said, "So let me get this right...you won't appraise my car unless I BUY one today? Cuz if that's the case, I'll take my business to Century West." He than said, "let me see what I can do." And after 20 minutes...came back with "It's worth bwt. 13 and 16 grand." ASSHOLE went and looked on KBB.com!!! I was like, "well gee, that's a big ballpark and doesn't help me much." He handed me his business card as I got back in my car then said, "give me a call when you're ready to buy a BMW and i'll help you get a good deal." I took the card, shoved it in my door, looked at him and said, "Actually, that's okay...I'm buying an Acura." And then...I drove away, patting my dashboard gently and whispering to my sad 13 to 16K Ultimate Driving Machine,"that's right honey, kick up some exhaust in the bad man's face..."