...and more on the Ultimate Driving Machine...

So...I STILL strongly dislike (which I say because hate is a strong word and i'm not quite up to hate just yet, albeit, close!) BMW's...actually no, I strongly dislike car dealerships but most particularly...the Beverly Hills BMW dealership. Well, AND BMW's in general...most specifically MY little Beamer, my not-so-much-a-ray-of-sunshine BMW.
I went this past Sunday and test drove 5 gazillion (ok, a slight exageration...more like just 5) cars at various dealerships in the Van Nuys area since they all seem to be in neat row there. I even took my good friend Chris as a buffer so that the vipers wouldn't get me as I stepped onto each lot!
First stop: HONDA
Joe Shmo asks me what i'd like to look at and I say, "I'd like to see the NEW Accords...both the 4-door and coupe." So naturally, Joe Shmo shows me a nice, shiny...2003. Um, no. And I say, "Do you have the 2005?" And he says, "Oh, over here..." and promptly shows me...another 2003. I tell him it's not a 2005 and he apologizes saying he's only worked there 2 weeks. Uh...even I...a person who has never worked at Honda...knows the difference btw. the two. Sheesh. So I drive the 2005 Accord Coupe and feel as if the steering wheel is going to steer right on out of my lap! Onto the next dealership in search of a car whose stering wheel matches up with where the car is going in a lane...
Second stop: ACURA
Huge...HUGE improvement! In fact...so much of an improvement that I decided (after my next two stops...that it is to be my new car!) I was introduced to a nice kid named Christopher who showed me the in's and out's of the car...we drove it around the block...the seats fit like a glove cradling my ass and the steering wheel turned in the direction in which I wished my little TSX to go...I was in LOVE!
But of course, I had to drive some other stuff so not to rush to a rash decision. So onto stop number 3: VOLKSWAGON.
Again...new kid on the block showing us the car. And by kid...I mean...KID. He was like, "Dude, so what do you think of it? I'm getting one of these next week....pretty awesome eh?" Yeah, awesome and totally radical...except when you sit down in the new 2005 1/2 Jetta, your ass bounces off the seat like a quearter on the couch. The seats are sooooo firm that you can't help but to dwell on nothing but that while driving the damn thing. Although, I do have to say, it drove quite nicely and had a bit of zip...but man, those seats...
Fourth stop: VOLVO
I can't even TELL you the name of my salesperson...I couldn't understand a word the old guy was saying...some foreign language but not sure which one. He took us out in the S40...which...out of all the cars, was the bes to drive. The seats are designed by some chiropracter--enough said on that. FABU!! and the steering wheel...OH MY GOD! I think I almost creamed my jeans when I touched it (oops...sorry, that was my outloud voice creeping out!)...the steering wheel was covered in the softest, sheerest, feeling like human skin, leather...so cool. I could just sit in the sriveway and play with the steering wheel...but then, what good would the car be?
After that...checked out the FORD Mustang...ahhhh...cute for the buck but not my cup o'tea. So after mulling it over...the Acura shall reign and in 2 weeks and one day I will be the proud owner of a shiny silver TSX with black leather interior (i'll just have to make do with the leather-wrapped-with-little-holes-in-it steering wheel while I pine for the S40...
So back to my initial...I HATE BMW dealerships. I thought to myself, self, you should go have them appraise your car so you know how much you'll get for it. So after spit-shining my UDM, I took it to BH BMW. I parked on the street and waltzed on into the showroom...and was met by NO ONE!! I mean it...couldn't find a SOUL to try and sell me a car. Apparently they sell themselves and they don't feel the need to harass you. So I went back out to the car and pulled around to the service area...but as I pulled in, someone needed to back out. So I backed out...and pissed off two cars behind me. He pulled out, I drove in...and was met by ANOTHER car and it's brake lights. So I backed out again, pissed off two more cars. He pulled out, I drove in...and was promptly folled in by the 2 cars, effectively trapping me in the service dept. Again...no one helped me. Finally a woman ASKED if I needed something (uh, no...I just like to hang out here...duh.) She asked, "did you look inside the showroom for someone?" (Uh, again no...i'm retarded and didn't think of that FIRST! Duh.) So she found me some guy named Joe...they're always named Joe! He asked what i'd like to trade in on and I told him I wasn't doing it today but just wanted to know where I stood with my car. THEN...oh LORDY...he told me..."Honey, why don't you go to Kelly Blue Book dot com and look it up? We don't DO free appraisals." And I said, "So let me get this right...you won't appraise my car unless I BUY one today? Cuz if that's the case, I'll take my business to Century West." He than said, "let me see what I can do." And after 20 minutes...came back with "It's worth bwt. 13 and 16 grand." ASSHOLE went and looked on KBB.com!!! I was like, "well gee, that's a big ballpark and doesn't help me much." He handed me his business card as I got back in my car then said, "give me a call when you're ready to buy a BMW and i'll help you get a good deal." I took the card, shoved it in my door, looked at him and said, "Actually, that's okay...I'm buying an Acura." And then...I drove away, patting my dashboard gently and whispering to my sad 13 to 16K Ultimate Driving Machine,"that's right honey, kick up some exhaust in the bad man's face..."